Barbarian Shop

I just got my final haircut before college. My haircut lady (Ann) finished her work and removed that weird gown thing, and I was overcome with a strange realization. I was leaving. Leaving that place was more difficult than most of my goodbyes with my friends have been. I realized that this lady has seen me grow up more than any one of my friends. She has been there for me longer than any of them too. It was so strange how something and someone and some place that I so seldom think of has been so meaningful to me.

Women came in for walk-ins. They just wanted quick trims. I couldn't help but think, "This isn't your territory. This is my home." This place is home. And now I'm leaving. And I have to find a new home.

Falling with Style

Here we stand atop a cliff. We look down and see no end to the drop. The scary part is that we all know we are going to jump. What's even scarier is we don't know where we'll land. We spent four years racing toward the edge as fast as we could, but it still caught us all off guard somehow. Now we are stopped, fearing the inevitable fall into fate. We join hands and hold on as long as we can, but time is going to provide the necessary push to send us on our way.

We look into each other's eyes and say our goodbyes. It's time to go. We shed our final tears and we leave. We leave everything on that cliff and plunge head first into our new homes. And we hope that we survive the fall. And we hope that the valleys below are prettier than the fields we used to play in. And we hope that we don't lose hope.

Bridge

If I just had more time, things could have been different. If I knew what I know now, I would have known what to do.

If I had known who I was, I wouldn't have been so afraid.

If I had known who you were, I wouldn't have wasted my time.

If I had known that there was nothing magical behind those eyes, I would have closed mine.

If I had known this was all just a game, I would not have played.

If I had known what my mind would do to me, I wouldn't have thought about it so much.

I wonder where I'm going. But if knew that, the journey wouldn't be any fun.

Peace of Cake

"No one's laughing at God when they see the one they love hand in hand with someone else and they hope that they're mistaken."

Sometimes I think there are more important things to write about and more important things to do and more important things to do than write and more important things to do than to write about doing. Try explaining that to me, though.

You all know who you are and you all know what you've done and you all know what you're doing. And I know who is responsible and I know what you're up to and I know that it's coming and I know I don't deserve it.

I found myself terrified today to find that I only found myself at peace when I was in bed, head under the covers, with the ambience of my fan and my laptop singing it's sweet lullabies.

Interiorate

Where has the motivation gone?

Far, far away. That's where I'm going soon, so hopefully I will be able to find it there.

Writing is difficult these days because my brain has been stuck somewhere.

Somewhere in the future, looking ahead and returning only momentarily to deliver its dreadful reports of the rocky roads ahead. The roads seem to deteriorate as my thoughts wear them down.

Somewhere in the past so it can remind me. I won't forget my roots. I won't forget lessons learned. Unfortunately, I have a lot of good memories.

Somewhere in the land of thieves. All they do is take, take, take. Vultures. They are heartless so they steal what they lack from the unsuspecting travelers.

I want my mind back.

Bear Clause

Back in the day, if you were caught stealing something, you'd most likely have your hand cut off. I've had a few things stolen from me recently. As for my money, I'd like to find the culprit and teach him a thing or two about respecting other people's property. As for the other stolen goods, I am largely to blame for the loss. My head turned in moment of overwhelming naiveté and by the time it swung back around, it was too late.

I knew right away who dunnit: a cunning thief with no ill intention. There was probably no intention whatsoever. Just a plan that someone forgot to think through. How does one punish such a crime? How does the thief repent? The goods can be returned, but they will undoubtedly be shattered from the careless methods of transport. That leaves the two parties in a tense standoff. It seems an apology is the best there is to offer. And it seems forgiveness is all one can give in return.

"My every medicine causes more illness."

Bear Pause

I've added a new chapter to my story. It's called "I am a damn fool".

"the trap I set for you seems to have caught my leg instead."