Jacket Weather

So I'm well into college now and that means big changes are occurring even as we speak. Don't worry though. My cynicism is staying very much intact. My satirical mode of living is returning and I am getting back to my abnormal way of thinking and acting. I still think girls suck. I still hate the system. I still think time is the most powerful force in the universe.

Time is doing quite a few things for me right now. It's keeping things in motion. It's leaving me behind, in classes and in other respects. It is healing me, ever so slowly. Time is bringing in new things.

These new things are drowning in my cynicism. I wish I could trust people the way I used to. But my ignorance was ripped away from me and there's not a damn thing I can do about it now.

Hopefully time will make this all real. And hopefully it will show me what is real and bring me something real. And show me who is real and bring me someone real. But reality is boring as hell anyway. Hopefully it'll teach me to forgive but not forget. And to let you be.

I just want to live my life. And maybe a few people to live it with.

The First

I keep seeing things that I don't want to see.

I keep hearing things that I don't want to hear.

When you said you miss me, it made everything a little better.

First Comes Love, then Comes Hemorrhage

How long will it take for a tree to grow in the front yard? I want a tree that I can hang a swing on. I want that swing to make this feel like home. I want to bring a girl home and push her on that swing like we're back on the playground when nothing mattered. And I want nothing to matter.

One day our kids will play in that yard while we watch.

Or...

That tree will just stand and rot alone in a sea of grass that shines green in its contentment.

Either way, time goes. One day we will know.

One day longing will turn to bitterness and then to forgiveness. And then maybe time and I won't be enemies. At least for some time.

Bury Your Dead

There's a beautiful scene in the background, but it's best not to look. There is chaos all around, and it'd be best to join. Things take time. Hopefully one day these things will give back to us, but for now, all we can do is give and let live.

Put your nose in the books and your eyes cannot turn around.

I'd be lying if I didn't tell the truth right now, but that is for the better. There is a sentence that never had a period at the end of it. There were so many plot twists in that chapter. Just when the cliché ending seemed inevitable, another catastrophe struck. And the chapter never ended. It just left the characters stranded in the trail of a sentence that led off...

But a new chapter began despite the lack of transition. And it is one that keeps the reader entertained. There are rescue missions; bouts of deadly ailment; battles against exhaustion; tests of wisdom, strength, and togetherness; new alliances; new rivalries; and a hell of a lot of potential. Potential for love, heartbreak, triumph, and defeat. The figures in this story are in for one hell of an adventure.

Live and Take

These hallways keep leading me straight into the past. They're a bit wider than the ones I'm used to but they accomplish the task all the same.

The crowds are more similar to those that I'm used to than to those I had expected.

I'm still learning more with my senses than from the sentences.

I chose this.

I wasn't ready because I had unfinished business. It's just hard to think about finishing it with someone else.

At least the time of my life is distracting me from the times before and ahead.

Eat, Drink, and Be Merry

I'm trying really hard not to think about the things I want to write about. Sometimes I wish I had a little less self control. A little impulsiveness would probably do me some good. All this logic clouds my judgment.

I wonder if I cross the line sometimes. Self control to self repression. Everybody around me seems to be pretty good at getting away with acting on their impulses and they have a damn good time doing it. Then again, I was never as good as everyone else at having fun.

"I'm a mess I guess... Life was always back and forth and we were idling or making useless progress."

Worst Christmas Ever

Someone thought it was weird when I referred to returning to my dorm room as "going home" today. I thought so too.

Things are happening and that's always good.

But I'm still writing and that's very seldom good.

"Ira mea est magna! Obduro, mea puella--sed sine te non valeo."

-Catullus