What did you learn today, son?

The light on my printer has been blinking for two days. It seems the poor kid has a paper jam. As much as I'd love to help, I really wouldn't know what to do. So, hang in there, little guy. It'll be okay some day.

Everyone seems to be gearing up in preparation for those adventures awaiting beyond the horizon. I feel like I should follow suit, but I've always been a get-out-of-bed-and-go kind of guy. I'll go when the time comes I suppose, but right now, I think I'll just sleep.

As the end comes increasingly near, the beginning and middle won't get out of my head to make room for the new kid. I keep seeing myself as a smaller me with a smaller brain and slightly better vision. I think my eyes were a bit greener back then. I see that SUV i used to pack out on the weekdays and chase the wind in. I see a few good times, a few bad times, and a lot confusion.

The journey takes us through the darkest of caverns and over the most glorious of mountains and through majestic woods of mystery and spontaneity. It takes us next through the aftermath of heartbreak followed by the reconstruction process. Coming up on the left, you'll see the liars and the thieves.

Yes, I have regrets. But through them I've learned my own little clichés that I hope will come in handy one day. If there's one thing I can take with me from high school, it's what Regina Spektor taught me. "People are just people." The social stratification is a mere illusion meant to subdue the dreamers. That football player who stole your girl isn't better than you. He's just... different. And no, that girl is not pretty enough to use you as a stepping stool.

So much for math and science.

"It's different when you're lonely

the whole worlds in love
Holding hands between bar stools
and you're holding your tongue"

-The Good Life

Carmen Sandiego

For those ten minutes, I was smiling. Because I was just as good as anyone else in the room. Hell, I was better. I was happier.

For those ten minutes, I didn't have homework. I wasn't going to college. The real world didn't exist. I didn't need money. I didn't need anything.

For those ten minutes, you smiled back at me. It didn't matter how bad my sophomore homecoming was or that i skipped freshman year's. It didn't matter that I hated last year's prom, and it didn't matter that I would hate this year's. It didn't matter that I didn't get invited to last week's party and wouldn't get invited to next week's.

For those ten minutes, we danced, and we were happy. I didn't know your name. And for those ten minutes, I was in love.

I guess I was never really good at high school. At least I can say that I was always me. Sure do wish that was worth something.

I'm too young to grow up.

Prom With Me?

If I spent half the time I spend doing nothing doing something, I'd do some things.

The other day, my friend asked me if I was lying to him. I said, "Would I lie to you?" to which he replied, "Only if you thought it was the right thing to do." If only.

As I sit here thinking of something to think about, a million things rush into my head but escape before I can greet them. I'm feeling vague today.

So it appears that prom season is officially open. The excitement, drama, and exclusion have begun and infatuation is in the air. It appears the stage is set ever so perfectly for the breaking of hearts and the slaughter of self esteem. After all, only the fittest survive. I suppose I'm caught up in the hysteria as well to be honest, but I'm not sure if I'm up for another round of getting used and abused this year. Maybe I should stop making excuses and make a move. But then I remember that I don't have any moves.

If I spent half the time I spend thinking about my flaws working to fix them, I wouldn't be on this computer right now.

Innocence, In a Sense

We are all heroes, aren't we? All of us are saints with nothing but good intentions. Accuse me of wrongdoing? How dare you!

You must hold a shield to defend yourself from the evils of this world. Tell us, please, what the sword in your opposite hand is for. No, you keep the sword a secret. Those beneath you need no explanation as to its utility. You use it to cut them down. Keep them subdued. A voice is a threat. Dissenters mustn't be heard. So, keep the peasants in their places while your people praise the massacre.

Five

"There is a loneliness in this world
So great that you can see it in the slow movement of the hands of a clock
People so tired, mutilated, either by love or no love.
People just are not good to each other.
We are afraid.
Our educational system tells us that we can all be big winners
But it hasn't told us about the gutters or the suicides.
Or the terror of one person aching in one place
Alone, untouched, and unspoken to.

People are not good to each other.

People are not good to each other."

-Charles Bukowski

Straight Lines

Whenever I'm driving I get frustrated with the cars who feel the need to pass me despite the fact that I'm already going (or maybe even slightly exceeding) the speed limit. We get it, your car is fast. What are you always in such a hurry for? What is it that's worth risking a speeding ticket for? Slow down.

People are always in such a hurry to get from point A to B. They become so obsessed with the destination that they forget what's in between. Well what's in between is life and no one seems to slow down and enjoy that anymore. Everyone says they just want to be done with high school. Everyone wants to go to college. Well what are you gonna do when you're sick of college? What about when you're sick of your job? Eventually we get sick of life.

So slow down. Take your eyes off of the destination and look at what's around you. You may find that you've made quite a mess of where you are with your neglect and tunnel vision. You may find that there are some sights worth seeing along the way. You may find that the countryside is beautiful and you've been missing out.

Mercantilism

If you love something, let it go... unless it loves you back. Then, my friend, hold on for dear life. Whatever it is is worth more than anything in this world. It is a lifelong search completed. An elusive dream of the masses. Reciprocation is what we strive for. Love is not an investment. Do not waste it on those who do not appreciate it.

To the receivers, appreciate those who give. Don't reward kindness with animosity, good intentions with put downs, a kind word with a call out. You are not that important, you are not that cool, you are not that pretty. People will take abuse from a pretty face. This phenomenon has perplexed me for quite some time. Is a flower's poison any less deadly than that of a venomous snake? Obsessions with appearance and status: they're all around us. We are blinded by it.

We commend evil. We reward it. We shower it with attention as long as it benefits us in return. Doesn't anyone ever stop to ask why anymore?

Immerse yourself in love as Thom Yorke taught us. Screw these status symbols. Screw wasting time struggling along the long road to the middle. I don't have to earn anyone's approval. I don't have to earn anyone's love. Your condescending way of life no longer phases me. I am who I am, where I am, when I am. And I am okay with that.