A Different Shade of the Same Color

My parents and sister are in cars on the way to their new home in Texas and I am sitting in my dorm room feeling rather... homeless. Four years in that house, in that bed, in that town. I'll never see that basement again where we got a little too crazy a few too many times. Nor will I sit on that roof again where I used to sit and stare up at the sky, straining to see invisible stars as I wondered why I was on this rock instead of any of those.

I live a new life now, I guess. I don't really know how I feel about it. I'm feeling too much right now and at the same time, I feel rather numb. I feel like things are just happening and I am floating along with their current.

I can't even think straight with my mind all wrapped up in you, but you don't even exist anymore.

Vectors, Kinematics, and Deadly Elevators

College is really weird. It's weird not having a home. It's weird being with people all the time. It's weird having to care so much about class. Mostly, I guess it's weird not being a kid anymore. I like it... most of it. It's fun. But it's weird. There is no familiarity. There is no security. I miss my friends and I miss my home. I miss my childhood. But at least it's fun.

I think I'd be having the time of my life if I wasn't hoping to see your face on every girl I pass. I am ready to be sad about something else.

Nice Try

I just finished packing my drum set away along with my last bit of childhood and high school experience. All my stuff is packed and ready to venture to the next level of education with me. I found that I have a lot of extra baggage, and I don't think it's going to fit in the car with me. All of the heartache and heartbreak I suffered in high school are just gonna have to stay behind. All of this cynicism and angst aren't going to fit in the trunk of the car. So here's to new beginnings and all that stuff. Let's hope I learned from my mistakes and that I make something of myself. And let's hope I don't lose the parts of me that make me me.

Farewell, high school years. You were fun. You were difficult. You made me happy and you made me miserable. But you made me who I am.

Thanks to anyone who ever interacted with me in any way. Whether it was a conversation, a hello in the hallway, a passing insult, an epic fight, a meaningful friendship, a broken heart, or a missed appointment. You've helped shape me and prepare me for whatever the hell I'm supposed to be prepared for.

"Tonight we dance, for tomorrow they release the dogs."

Konstantly

"And I was thinking, what I was thinking
But we've been drinking
And it doesn't get me anywhere"

...This is to a girl who got into my head

With all these pretty things she did"

It's funny the way things work out... yeah, funny. All that you can really do sometimes is laugh at life. It keeps your lips from being able to form the words that you're really thinking. The questions you ask are drowned in the sea of sound and get nowhere on their mission of retrieving answers. In my head though, my mind paces the floor uncontrollably and unconsolably. And I can't stop myself from wondering "what if?" and I can't stop asking myself why this keeps happening to me and it just sucks that it's just too late.

"Did you know I miss you?"

Confusion with a 'C'

I usually have something to say when I write here, but not tonight. I just have a head full of worries. I've been so angry at the system lately. They stick us together for four years and force friendship upon us just so they can tear it apart. Time keeps moving despite my protests. I will never understand why people do the things they do and why the world works the way it does. It's all just so unfair. I guess I'm just selfish. I want things to work out my way, but is it so bad to ask for one damn victory?

I hate being on bad terms with people. I hate it even more when I don't know why.

Horseshoes and Hand Grenades

Time is relentless. After all that chasing and searching I did over the years, what I wanted finally just appeared in front of me. It was just as beautiful as I had always imagined. I heard stories and I had dreams of what it would actually be like and there it was, at last within arms' reach. I tried to grab it, but time had no intention of letting me taste this fruit that I had been waiting for for so long. Time told me that it was too late. Frustration grew and culminated in an explosion of anger, confusion, and hunger. I hated time. I hated the world for its cruel ways.

I suppose you can't fight time though. It will always win. I just hope when it said, "no" that it meant, "not yet."

Another unfortunate event for my own series. Wrong place, wrong time, wrong person. There is no blame to place. The timing was misplaced, unfortunately.

But the thing about time is that even though it cuts deeply, it heals all wounds. And I sincerely hope that it heals the both of us.

"Goodbye my love

You're brought back but you're running
I'll find sleep in the end tonight
I can't shake this little feeling
I'll never say anything right"

-bn