I should be happy that I am still here."
My birthday has just ended and I'm feeling old. I feel as though I passed my prime long ago but I'm moving too fast to turn around and look for it.
A year ago I was in such a similar looking boat. The waves of a heartbreak finally settling around me and my head finally turning to face the direction of my movement. I could look around and look ahead for the first time in so long. And here I am with my heart once again sunk to the bottom of the sea but again with the face fading in the horizon and my head rotating. Just keep sailing on. Despite desire, the winds will not allow us to reverse direction.
So what have I learned in my first year of adulthood? Not much. I fall for the same traps.
I've been thinking about this system and I struggle to justify the way I break my back for these grades so I can get a job and raise a family. And why do I kill myself over girls and friends and doing these things that I'm expected to do? I just want to give it all up and become a vagabond, but then I just wouldn't fit in this world. (Ranting may be poor writing, but it makes me feel good.)
"And in no time we'll be spread across the earth, donning business suits to show the faceless master what we're worth."
Growing up is scary. Adulthood is boring. Teenage life is painful. Childhood was transient.
Good birthday. Good friends. Life ain't bad. Just tough sometimes. Sometimes I miss you. Sometimes I hate you. Sometimes I wish it had all gone differently. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to grow up. Sometimes I wish moments could last forever.
"So I walk myself picking at a chip on my shoulder.
I'm another day late and one year older.It's failure by design."
No comments:
Post a Comment